Totally Pointless Rant #1: (Who the H*ck Does) Eye Makeup Before Face Makeup

Alright, children. Gather ’round. I’m here to take you with me on my first foray into beauty blogging. True to brand, I figured I would start with something I know I’m good at: a rant. The proposed format: when I feel very strongly about something that doesn’t really matter, I’ll write about it for five minutes. No holds barred. No mercy for these great indignities we face.

Today’s topic? Applying eye makeup before foundation. Start the timer, judge.

I honestly didn’t know this was something people did until I saw a tweet about filling in your eyebrows before applying foundation. Yeah, I thought. That seems like something that irrationally annoys me. Who wants their crisp, clean eyebrow edges muddied by indiscriminate Beauty Blending (or, God forbid, brush application) of foundation? NOT ME, THAT’S FOR SURE.

I guess this is as good a time as any to note that if you do that, yes offense. I don’t understand it and I’m doing my best to not actively empathize with anyone who does. Is this what it feels like to be a talking head on a conservative cable news station? Anyway.

Brows aside, the true moment of reckoning came when I started watching a new beauty vlogger on YouTube. I really love her and have no beef against her, so I’m not going to name names. Her name just rhymes with Schmacey Schmolmes. That’s all I’m gonna say. The first time I watched one of her tutorials, I was SHOOK as I watched her knock out a flawless smokey eye in no time at all, only to apply her foundation afterwards. WTF?!

I’M SORRY CASEY I LOVE YOU I SWEAR!!!

It turns out some people have, like, reasons for doing this. Whatever. Eyeshadow fallout is a thing, and applying foundation and concealer after eyes makeup theoretically can help make the under-eye area look even more flawless.

I still don’t like it. I just gotta be me. It feels… weird to work on a completely bare face after finishing an intricate eye look. Maybe this is because I have the same attention to detail as a five year old and have accepted random mascara marks as a part of life. (Sometimes I get them on my fingers. That’s like… normal, right? Why am I literally the messiest human? Tune in at 11 as we explore this and other questions, like why I already smudged chocolate on a shirt I haven’t even owned for a full 24 hours.)

Okay, well — I cheated. It’s been 10 minutes, so I’m gonna let this rant rest here. I hope I’ve given you something really important to think about. I know I’ll be stewing about it all day. Who knows, I might even dash off another angry tweet on the topic.

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